The Devil's Beatitudes

A few people emailed this to me. This had to be written by a minister, I'm sure of it.

"The Devil's Beatitudes"

Blessed are those who are too tired, too busy, too distracted to spend
an hour once a week with their fellow Christians -- they are my best
work.

Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be
thanked -- I can use them.

Blessed are the touchy who stop going to church -- they are my
missionaries.

Blessed are the trouble makers -- they shall be called my children.

Blessed are the complainers -- I'm all ears to them.

Blessed are those who are bored with the minister's mannerisms and
mistakes -- for they get nothing out of his sermons.

Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his own church
-- for he is a part of the problem instead of the solution.

Blessed are those who gossip -- for they shall cause strife and
divisions that please me.

Blessed are those who are easily offended -- for they will soon get
angry and quit.

Blessed are those who do not give their offering to carry on God's work
for they are my helpers.

Blessed is he who professes to love God but hates his brother and sister
for he shall be with me forever.

Blessed are you who, when you read this, think it is about other people
and not yourself -- I've got you too!