A Different Dichotomy

It seems that when we compare and contrast relationships, our kneejerk reaction is to divide them into two categories: those folks who are doing it right and those who are doing it wrong. You ask what kind of parent or spouse is this person? Are they getting along or causing problems? And we readily assign them to one group or the other.

But I believe it's almost always more complicated than that. First off, relationships are like batting averages and nobody is batting a thousand. Usually managing a relationship is a matter of accomplishing a percentage of what you should have done or limiting your mistakes and miscues to a bare minimum. But nobody does everything right. You strive to improve your performance by winning little victories over selfishness, pride, and sheer laziness. A lot of criticism of our loved ones is little more than shooting fish in a barrel. They make mistakes because they're human, not because they are especially flawed.

And that leads to a second element vital to human relationships: intent. The motive of the heart actually does count for something. In fact, it may count for more than the action itself. Jesus made a point about anger, lust, fidelity, honesty, and revenge in the Sermon on the Mount: if you don't have these things squared away in your heart, it's the same as if you'd actually committed the crime.

So are there still two categories of relationships? Yes, because you have those who are trying to do it their own way (this includes those who've stopped trying entirely), and you have those you are trying to do it God's way. God's way is patient, selfless, long-suffering, honest and forgiving. It's harder and takes more time and you'll never fully master it in this world, but it's the only way to make a relationship of any kind work.

Everyone experiences failure in relationships, probably on a daily basis. But are you determined to let God have control? Will you honor Him with your faithfulness and integrity? Will you treat others with the same grace that you've been given? The answers to these questions will sort our marriages and parenting and friendships into two piles, those that are unraveling and those that are being blessed.