Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Pitchin' a Fit

Elijah (18 months) woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. He had a screaming, kicking, beat-the-floor-with-your-fists fit for about an hour or so this morning. Shannon immediately implemented our tried and true method: win this battle no matter how long it takes.

We usually ignore them at first; fit throwing won't gain you anything, in fact you immediately lose Mom and Dad's attention. I make a point of stepping right over them when they do that. When you calm yourself down you earn my attention again. If you refuse to concede defeat after a few moments, we put you in isolation. In this case, back in the crib you go! Once you're done, I mean not even a whimper, and we've established who's really in the driver's seat, then, and only then, do you get your freedom back. Learn to cope kid, because pitchin' a fit won't get you anywhere.

A long, tough hour later… Elijah was back to his sweet, adorable self. It's like he screamed the bad right out of himself.



The isn't the easy road, it's just the one that works. The key is the will to win, no matter what else is going on. As parents we often give in because we're busy or tired or it's otherwise inconvenient. We console ourselves with the most misused maxim in parenting: "You have to pick your battles." But God put you in charge of this child's training. What kind of coach picks his battles over whether his players will run sprints or not? You will always win. You must win, no matter what. But by "win," I don't mean that you get your way; not at all. I mean that the right thing gets done over and above everyone's desires. Here's the priorities for a parent as I see it.
1. God's will (development of character, health, discipline, integrity, etc.)
2. the child's will (if it doesn't conflict with #1)
3. my will (if it doesn't conflict with #1)

The reason my will is last is because part of #1 is modeling selflessness. Part of the training would be the child putting his needs behind others as well. Besides, if you're a hypocrite your child will learn that trait too. Inconsistency is your enemy.

You have 18 years to teach this lesson however-many-thousand times: "Do the right thing!" You just pray that you did it consistently enough for it to stick.

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