Things I Blame Sarah Palin For

From Dusty at Argghhh!!!

 I blame Sarah Palin for:

1.    Acne
2.    Global Warming
3.    Global Cooling
4.    Earthquakes
5.    Mudslides (especially in Lefty California)
6.    Iran’s nuclear program
7.    North Korea’s belligerence
8.    My Starbuck’s coffee being too cold
9.    My Starbuck’s coffee being too hot
10.    Sunspots
11.    Bad hair
12.    All gunshot wounds…everywhere…forever
13.    Night sweats
14.    Bad breath
15.    Menopause
16.    Bedbugs
17.    Quicksand
18.    Shark attacks
19.    Tornadoes (except in Kansas; that’s Bush’s fault)
20.    Senseless violence
21.    Senseless violins
22.    Rap music
23.    Caraway seeds (that get caught between tooth and gums)
24.    People getting hit by meteorites
25.    People not agreeing with me
26.    People not agreeing with you
27.    A less-than-100% approval rating for Barack Obama
28.    Snow (heavy, shoveling required)
29.    Rain (wet)
30.    Big blue ice balls full of (you know what) falling out of airplanes and through your roof
31.    Psoriasis
32.    Avatar not getting Best Picture (heh)
33.    James Cameron (ick)
34.    Hitler’s rise to power
35.    Diaper rash
36.    The Blue Screen of Death
37.    The big cloud of Smug over New York City
38.    Tourette Syndrome
39.    The national debt
40.    Microsoft
41.    Body odor
42.    Toilet backups
43.    Crab grass
44.    Hail (baseball size or better)
45.    Football injuries
46.    Species extinctions
47.    The French
48.    Poisonous Chinese dog food
49.    The Holocaust
50.    Flat tires
51.    Roller coaster accidents
52.    Mosquitoes
53.    Bear attacks (ESPECIALLY Grizzlies!)
54.    E. coli
55.    Running out of printer ink
56.    Ill-fitting clothes
57.    All those stupid magazines in grocery store checkout aisles
58.    Licorice jelly beans
59.    Viagra ads
60.    Any close-ups of Helen Thomas (shudder)
61.    Slow boneheads in the left-hand lane
62.    People who cut in line
63.    English dental work (now there’s an oxymoron…damn you Sarah Palin!)
64.    Lady Gaga
65.    1000-amp car stereos
66.    Holes in our socks/stockings
67.    Red Tide
68.    Mass bird deaths
69.    Seagulls
70.    Paper cuts
71.    Paul Krugman
72.    The Nobel Prize Committee (the yutses in charge of the Peace Prize selection)
73.    Haggis
74.    Garden gnomes
75.    Cancer
76.    Goth fashion
77.    Barren Pandas
78.    Bugs (big, ugly ones)
79.    Green—OK, “avocado”—kitchen appliances
80.    Traffic tickets
81.    Obnoxiously loud cell-phone conversations
82.    Orange hair
83.    Poverty
84.    War
85.    Disease
86.    Famine
87.    Broken shoelaces
88.    Sporks
89.    That smell when chicks are getting their hair permed
90.    Ticks
91.    Hangovers
92.    Losing at cards
93.    Losing your car keys
94.    Airplane accidents
95.    Underwater mortgages
96.    Finals
97.    Checkrides
98.    Lightning strikes
99.    Supernovas, and…
100.    Zydeco