Fair Is Not Always Equal

One of the key distinctions we've had to make as parents is that "fair does not always mean equal." Is it fair for a 12 year old to have the same bedtime as a 3 year old? Is it fair for a child to be given a toy just because she is witness to another child buying a toy with his own money?

We see it all the time, especially on birthdays. The birthday child gets special treatment–gifts and privileges that any child of that age would get on that particular birthday–but the other children cry foul. "I want a special treat!" "I want to open a present!" Some parents try to accommodate this whiny brat but it's not that child's birthday. The same treatment for everyone is not always fair or just. Why? (Now get ready for a shocking truth…)

Not everyone is equal.

Sure, we are all loved equally by God. And as human beings, we are all equally born with intrinsic value. But other than that, we're not equal. We're not equally talented or gifted in the same ways. We don't have perfectly equal opportunities in life, nor do we receive equal treatment from all the people around us. And most importantly, we don't work equally or make good decisions equally.

In parenting, it means teaching a child to cope with losing or being left out. It means helping that child celebrate someone else without needing his or her own selfish desires satisfied. It means teaching a child that "fair doesn't mean equal; fair means appropriate."

This is tough for our bleeding hearts to swallow, but those who work harder generally get rewarded more. Persistence, patience, hard work, talent, dedication and devotion make a world of difference between one person and the next. Understanding human nature in light of work, merit, and justice will change you from a redistributing, commie-liberal daydreamer to a conservative that appreciates and rewards a good work ethic.

Here's a good story of someone maturing from liberalism to conservatism by grasping this very point.