Divorced From Reason?

My sermon on divorce was well received I believe. I always think it's going to be worse than it really is. We have several folks who are divorced and they seemed receptive and patient in hearing my explanations. It also helps that I'm not a bigoted loon.

In fact, part of my sermon dealt with the assumptions about divorce that people make that don't actually hold any water. Some people say…

It's no big deal. Really? Try looking at some statistics. It's devastating like almost nothing else. Even a death is only bereaved for a season. But divorce can hang over a family, actively disturbing it for generations. Granted it's not the kind of thing that sends you off the deep end, but it tends to downgrade the lives of everyone involved in almost every way, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Women are almost always worse off and children are wounded for decades after a divorce regardless of age. No wonder God says he hates divorce. The best you can say is that it is less bad than some alternatives.

It leaves a divorced person in a perpetual state of sin. Wow, that's quite an accomplishment. If someone was a murderer, even though they can't undo it, they could repent and be forgiven. But divorced people can't receive this grace? I'm not sure if I can name a sin that carries that kind of stigma.

The divorced person must go back to their first spouse. You've got to be kidding. All of those people I know whose second marriage is a lasting union of two Christians – I should tell them to destroy that good marriage in order to go back to the dysfunction of the first? Why must we ignore the redemption the Lord has brought to their lives?

The divorced person cannot hold office in the church. I know why they say that; the qualifications for Elders include the need for him to be a "one-woman-man." But this seems better applied to mistresses, affairs, and polygamy than divorce. What if a man's first marriage ended before he was a believer? And should remarried widowers also be disqualified by this logic? Just like the previous misconceptions, it misses the point about Grace.

There are countless other facets to this topic – more than can be covered here. But it helps tremendously to understand the historical context in the Bible. Understanding the debates of the time, the chauvinism that existed, and Jesus' counter-cultural responses cause confusing texts to become much clearer.

Consistency also helps. Before you too quickly condemn someone (or dismiss it altogether), consider the whole counsel of scripture. Don't withhold mercy or sanction selfishness but instead speak the truth in love. There's not been a lot of that in some churches.